Good Morning Darling
by MrsCaptnJackSparrow
Summary: Mr. Douglas finds the need to go to the capital building and leave Lisa at home with Eb. Will Oliver ever be able to grow his corn? What will Lisa and Eb do while he's away? I'm not sure where I'm going to take this yet, rated T just in case .
1. Shouting for Corn

I don't own any of the characters or ideas from Greenacres…so no suing!

I'm really not sure how I'm going to take this so please tell me what you think. I was leaning towards a little Lisa/Eb romance, but the innocence of this show is making it a bit difficult. Thanks, and enjoy! Constructive criticism is appreciated!

Morning was breaking over the horizon as Eb yawned and stretched his way out of the barn and over to the Douglas' house. Peeking into the window, he could see Lisa already standing at the stove with another gooey mess. He loved to stare at her. She was nothing like the other girls in the area…she was something special.

"Hot cakes again? Yuck." Eb said to himself as he continued to peep into the window.

"Oh! Good morning dahling!" Lisa lilted as her husband stormed in the kitchen.

"Uh, yeah. Good morning Lisa." Mr. Douglas drowsily replied.

"Some-sing vong?" Lisa questioned with a genuinely concerned look on her face.

"Uh, no… Well, yeah. Actually…my corn hasn't sprouted"

"Vell, corn can't shout. It hasn't got a mouth…it has ears but…"

"Lisa!" Oliver cried before composing himself, "not 'shouted'… 'sprouted'".

"Vell, why would you want it to spout? We already have a pump for vater!"

"LISA!" Oliver yelled once again.

"Maybe it won't spout because of all the shouting!"

"WHAT SHOUTING! Corn doesn't shout! I said spouting…I mean, ahh…" he rubbed his forehead, "I mean sprouting".

"Oh, so you finally agree that corn can't shout?!"

"LISA!"

"See, that's all the shouting I was talking about! Who can sproust with so much noise?!"

"Finally, sprousting!….I mean…" Oliver had reached his last nerve. He tried to start again, but Eb had seen the whole ordeal and was ready to put an end to this lovers' quarrel.

"Howdy Mrs. Douglas" Eb gushed. He loved the way she looked in the morning in her negligee, or in the afternoon in her two-piece outfits, or even…heck, he loved the way she looked at all times.

"Oh! Good morning Eb! Vould you like some hot cakes?"

"Ug…no thanks Mrs. Douglas," his face paled, "my stomach is still upset about the last batch." Mrs. Douglas turned back to the stove with a shrug. "Oh, howdy Mr. Douglas. I almost forgot, your corn started spouting!"

"You mean 'sprouting'?!" Oliver replied angrily.

"Naw. There's water everywhere. The whole crop is a few inches under water! I never knew corn could do that!"

Oliver groaned, "I've already written to the head of agriculture about the flooding around here. I've followed their books to the 't' on irrigation and drainage but they won't return my letters! Well, I'm going to go down there and have a word with them about all of this."

"I wouldn't bother with that Mr. Douglas. They're the ones that made the other farms drain into this one in the first place," Eb stated.

"WHAT?! Why in the world would they do that?"

"'Cause Mr. Haney made a deal with them to use his farm."

"Well, I'm going to go down there and fix all of this if it's the last thing I do!" Mr. Douglas yelled.

"Not vithout some-sing to eat!" Mrs. Douglas said sternly. Mr. Douglas shook his head in annoyance.

"Gee Mr. Douglas. I'm sorry about the water," Eb said apologetically.

"Oh, that's o.k. Eb. I'll take care of it," replied a weary Oliver.

"Don't vorry Eb, he's just mad about the corn not sprousting."

"I thought it wasn't shouting," Eb questioned.

"No. You see, corn can't shout. It hasn't any mouth…"

"ARG!" Mr. Douglas cut her off as he left the room—hands thrown up in the air in exasperation.


	2. Mr Douglas takes off

Sorry this chapter is so short: I'm still not sure where to go with this.

* * *

Oliver made his way to the car early the next morning which was already packed with everything he needed to go to the capital building and plead his case. He had spent the day before planning out what he was going to do when he got there and trying to convince Ralph and Alf that corn didn't 'spout,' and neither should their roof.

"Are ve already to go?" Lisa asked with Eb at her side.

"We?" Oliver questioned, "_I_ am going, and you two are staying home."

"Humph!" Lisa pouted, "And who will you be smooching in the car?" she inquired.

"I won't be smooching any…" Oliver realized what he was saying, "Why would I be smooching in the car?"

"Because that's what we always did when we went for a car ride." Lisa turned to Eb, "He married me because he said I was a good smoocher!" Eb could believe that.

"Well I knew it couldn't be fer those hot cakes," Eb mumbled, at which Oliver chuckled lightly.

Lisa noticed the exchange and threw her arms down with a huff. Oliver tried to fix the situation: "There will be no…uh…" Oliver paused to compose himself, "It's completely business—believe me Lisa. I'll be the only one in the car."

She pouted, "Vell, vat am I supposed to do vile you're out smooching?"

Oliver gave up on the argument, "…whatever it is that you do normally," then realizing he had no idea how she spent all her time.

"But normally I wait around for smooching!" Lisa pleaded.

Eb jumped into the conversation, "What'll I do while you're gone Mr. Douglas?"

Oliver was in a hurry and was getting anxious to leave, "Uh..." he looked at his watch and became distracted, "Do…whatever I do everyday. Exactly as I do it, Ok? I don't want to come home to a mess…" He declared quickly before pulling out of the driveway and beginning his trip.

"Alright, I promise!" Eb yelled after him. Turning to Mrs. Douglas, Eb asked "What does do at this time everyday Mrs. Douglas?"

Lisa thought for a moment before replying, "Vell, yesterday he was in the kitchen shouting about all the spouting…but normally we just eat hot cakes."

"Well, alright Mrs. Douglas. If I have to, but only because I promised that I'd do whatever he does."

Lisa's eyes sparkled with mischief, "Vell, before the eating, there's always some smooching," she batted her lids.

Eb removed his hat and held it bashfully in his hands, "Well, gee Mrs. Douglas! I don't know if I should be doing anything like that." Not that he minded the thought.

"Vell, Mr. Douglas does a lot of smooching, and you promised to do everything he does…and…he calls me 'Lisa'" she winked.

"Oh, alright Mrs…Lisa," and he leaned in for a quick peck before hurrying off to the house—his face red with a mixture of embarrassment and delight. Mrs. Douglas followed Eb inside the crumbling shack as they both inwardly planned out their day.


	3. Smooching

_Sorry it took so long! I hope you like it!_

It didn't take long before everyone in town heard about the new "arrangement". Soon Ralph and Alf were at the Douglass' door to chat with the new Mr. Douglass.

"Yesam—this closet door is still broken" Eb said assuredly, as the door fell to the floor with a slam. "I've been too nice to you two!"

"But Mr. Doug—" Alf began

"No Buts! Heck, I could'a gotten this done by now mysel—I mean…well, I'm gonna do this myself!" Eb said with conviction. "And this roof! And these walls! And, gee, I bet I could get all this done!"

It didn't take long before Eb (or the new ) had the door to the closet fixed along with all of the daily chores. He even had time to yell at that lazy 'Eb' kid for not doing his half of the work.

Mrs. Douglass shouted from the shower: "Oliver!"

Eb ran and turned off the water.

Lisa hopped out and dried herself off as Eb peeked through the window. She was so beautiful, and he could see the sun shining off of her wet skin. He loved how she always left her makeup and underwear on in the shower.

It didn't take long before she made her way into the house, and found the closet door fixed.

Although she was somewhat surprised, she knew that Eb was just the man to get her house into the condition she wanted it. "Oh, Oliver," she called, to which Eb came running, "Start on the vall next please." She said, trailing her slender finger up his chest, teasing him with a slight purr to her voice.

"Yes Ma'am! I-I mean…" Eb cleared his throat, "Sure Lisa. But this is a farm, and there's a lot of work to be done." Eb prepared his best impression of Mr. Douglass: "Farmers are the backbone of America…"

Lisa cut him off, "Olivaa" she whispered in his ear, "It's getting late…" she walked to the bed.

"Uhhh Yeah! But uhh, I haven't even had my supper!"

Lisa had a plan: "Oh, vell dhere are hot cakes in dhere if you vant dhem"

Eb's stomach gurgled at the mention of those rubbery things, "Well, I guess I am quite tired. That darned Eb kid didn't even come out of the barn today!" Eb joked.

Lisa pulled him down next to her: "Don't be too hard on him…"

"Well, I just can't have lazy workers! It's tough to run a farm—especially one as bad as this! When I get enough money I'm…"

"But we have plenty of money Olivaa"

"Oh, hehe, yeah. I forgot" Eb began to realize what was going to happen. He was conflicted: he had called her 'mom' and him 'dad' before…she had been the one to support his decision to want to get engaged in the past…she had always stood up for him…she…

"Oh Olivaa"

"Yes, Lisa" Eb sighed…she was beautiful

"Stop talking, start smooching!"

The two began as Eb was young and eager, but Lisa soon pushed him away before anything too serious: "Not tonight dah-ling. I'm too pooped" she said, before rolling over and falling asleep.

In some ways Eb was glad, but his head still spun with delight from this few kisses. With a smile on his face he quickly fell asleep.


	4. Hello?

The real Mr. Douglass had spent most of the day on the road to the state capitol and trying to find a hotel for a nice, hot shower and a good meal. Most of the offices were closed by the time he arrived, so the next morning he got ready to meet with the zoning and agriculture people. He had his best tree-stumping suit on and was prepared for anything when he decided to ring home and check on things.

"Yes, hello. I'd like to call Hooterville please...yes, I'll wait…" Oliver was patient, he knew Lisa would have to climb the pole to answer.

"Uhh, Howdy!" was the squeaky answer

"Mr. Haney? What are you doing at my house!" Oliver shouted. He didn't want Lisa spending all their money on Haney's junk

"Well, it's like this…ya see, I came over here to see Mr and Mrs Douglass, but they're still in bed. So when I heard the phone—"

"Still? Wait…what?"

"Well, yeah. I know it's 7:00 am, but you know how them city folk are."

"Mr. Haney" Oliver tried to calm himself (Haney had to be mistaken) "If you would kindly get my wife on the phone, I'd like to talk to her"

"Well you must be calling the wrong house…uh…goodbye" Haney laughed and hung up. He knew Lisa was a good customer, and with Oliver out of the way Haney was sure to make a quick buck.

Only an hour later Eb was up to cook breakfast before putting on his best suit and starting his chores. Lisa sat in the kitchen and ate the delicious eggs as she watched Eb outside. Everything was working out just as she had planned.

A honk came from outside and she ran to the front door to see who it was. Sure enough, Haney was preparing to sell her everything inside his truck.

Pulling down a green sign he read out "Haney's New Husband Service. I've got everything you'll need for the new Mr. Douglass right in my truck: new suits, new shoes, new pillows, new 'to do lists'…you name it!" he yodeled.

"Vov! Uh…no tanks Mr. Haney. I already have my tailor sending new suits right now."

"But Mrs. Douglass—"

"Get outta here Haney! We don't need any 'o yer connin' today!" Eb shouted as he walked over. "Be careful Lisa. He's trying to scam you!"

"Never!" replied Haney

"Come on Lisa. Show me what you need done to the house." Eb said, as he led Lisa inside by the hand.

She couldn't stop smirking.

Oliver made his rounds and talked to all the wrong people before finally working something out. It had taken him all day but he was finally back to his hotel room.

"I'd better call home again. I have a bad feeling about things…" Oliver thought to himself

Back at home, Eb was busy working on the walls in the bedroom. Lisa had been tiptoeing over to him when the phone rang.

"Oh, I'll get it!" She sang out

Climbing up to the phone she held it to her ear: "Hello? Uh…hello?" she said

"LISA! How are you? How are things?"

"Hello? Hello?" Lisa continued to say. She could hear him clearly, but she was up to something.

"LISA! It's me! It's OLIVER! LISA"

"Hello? Is anyone dere? Hello?" She continued

"LISA! Can't you hear me? Hello!" Oliver was getting annoyed. He knew the phones were bad but this was ridiculous!

"No, Olivaa, there's no one there!" Lisa pretended to say to Eb

"What? Lisa I'm right here!" Oliver shouted

"Oh Olivaa darling…"she purred "Put an extra blanket on our bed! It'd cold out here!" She acted. She began to give a flirty giggle as she slowly hung up the phone.

"LIIIISSSAAA!" Oliver yelled as the people in the rooms by his started banging on the walls.

Was he dreaming, he wondered. Maybe it was all just innocent silliness. He trusted and loved Lisa…she would never treat him so badly. Then he had a thought: maybe she was getting him back for moving her out into the middle of nowhere…maybe something really was going on…maybe…

He rushed around the room to gather all his things and made his way to the check out desk. He paid quickly and hopped in his car.

Meanwhile, Lisa had slipped into her prettiest negligee and waited for Eb to get to bed. The night played out as it had the day before, but this time she let his hands wonder before stopping him. The pair both pretended to sleep as they thought about the next day: Eb's mind still aflutter about Lisa's kisses, and Lisa's mind going over her brilliant plan.


End file.
